I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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