just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
