How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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