I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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