Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
