I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
