So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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