I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
