oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were trust falling into bushes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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