roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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