I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
