Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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