Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize