I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
