He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
