if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is classic penis vs brain.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
