i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got inside last night via doggy door
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
