Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
