Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
