I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
