im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
