i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
