I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
