fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
