my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
