We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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