I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
