He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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