Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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