i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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