Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
