I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
