Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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