i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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