If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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