Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
wow bdsm is so cute
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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