So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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