Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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