It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
