I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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