Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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