you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
