Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
