If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
