if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
