You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
