It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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