We're facebook friends in real life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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