hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize