i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
soo... how was my night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
