I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
