We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
