I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they need to just BURY HIM!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
