woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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