Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i came on her dog
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
