He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
