but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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