3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
