ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
