I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
