never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
