Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
