I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
