Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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