We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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